


halo

by wintersfade



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, a lot of lance mention but he doesn't actually appear, allura centric angst, allura introspective, allura is finally properly mourning, allurance, my girl has been through so much let her have some happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 18:46:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15669087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersfade/pseuds/wintersfade
Summary: She felt so trapped within these walls. She wondered what would become of a Princess that couldn't even feel comfortable on solid ground any longer.





	halo

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, Allura deserves to rest. She's been through so, so much and never gets the chance to actually rationalize and mourn any of it. This is an introspective look into Allura finally breaking down over it. With some extra mentions of Lance, who is important to Allura's healing process. It doesn't revolve around him, but I do think Lance symbolizes a new start, a breathe of fresh air for her.

The crown felt odd in her hands now. It was unbalanced, just empty weight without the gem in its center. Losing the gem that sat atop it had been for a worthy cause and Allura couldn't bring herself to regret it but- the absence of the circlet made her feel so terribly exposed. Her fingers rose to touch where the gem had fallen on her forehead.  
It had originally been an engagement gift from Alfor to his wife. Allura had loved hearing the story of how Alfor had struggled to think of something to present to his future bride. What could you give to a Princess who already had everything she could want? He had made it himself, forged in his labs and enforced with quintessance properties, it was beautiful yet simple. Her Mother had been so taken by it she had worn it ever since. And when the Queen passed it was given to Allura. 

Now, it was scrap metal, nothing more than a golden halo. Tears burned in her eyes and she shook her head with grief, bringing a fist to press to her watering eyes. No- she absolutely would not cry over this. 

It seemed her body and mind were at odds, for all her stubbornness and rejection of this emptiness, tears began falling freely. What would her Mother think of her now? Ashamed, most likely, that her daughter had tossed aside the last relic she had of the life before the war. Angry, even, that Allura's duties as a paladin had put her status as the last Altean monarch in the back seat. 

It was just a silly old crown, she insisted inwardly, it didn't have to hold nearly as much meaning as Allura was forcing it to. But it had been theirs. It was the very last symbol of her parents that Allura had left. And she had quite literally tossed it aside. Her fingers trembled as she lifted the remaining piece of the crown to her head. She held it over her hair for an excruciating moment before sinking forward, burying her face into her knees and finally surrendering herself to the body wracking sobs. The crown clattered from her shaking hands and skid across the floor. She couldn't bring herself to retrieve it again. 

Whatever it had symbolized before was gone. Decimated along with her planet, her home, her culture, her Father- everything was gone and she felt so foolish for clinging onto something so minuscule as a crown. Pidge had been right- she wasn't their Princess. She wasn't anyone's Princess now. And if her title was still upheld what did she possibly have to reign over? A dead planet and a ruined people? A legacy of war and abandonment and anguish. Whatever the Altean crown had meant before the war had been replaced with myths of her people. 

Coran would be so upset with her if he could hear her thoughts. Altea's traditions were still so important to him. He still held hope. Allura couldn't imagine how. She felt all of her desire for a better galaxy, all of her hopes were dried up and ruined now. She didn't have any hope left to give. How could she after everything that had happened? It seemed everything she had looked forward to, every little thing she had given a piece of herself for had come back to spite her. 

And she was left here, on a strange unfamiliar planet. Coran was so involved with his work with Sam Holt that he could hardly spare a moment for her. She couldn't begrudge him this, despite her yearning to allow herself to be selfish and beg for a moment of his time, he deserved to find happiness in his work. The Paladins were taking a well deserved respite with their families. She could not neglect them that either. It didn't matter that she was lonely, that she had felt more isolated now than she had since she awoke from that pod. All that mattered was that they were all safe. That they each had the reunions they had fought so hard for. 

Allura exhaled raggedly, tilting her head back until it met the wall. Her eyes fluttered shut. She was so tired and yet she could not allow herself to rest. Sleep was not a comfort. She found herself haunted by nightmares. They were just glimpses, memories coming back to horrify her. A boy in blue armor who looked too still, too small- the life within him fading too quickly, too soon. Jagged claws curling over her throat. Blinding white light surrounding her, dragging her into it's depths. Crazed golden eyes shot wide from madness. Shiro laying before her, too far for her to reach, his body fading away- It was all far too much. 

Her eyes cracked open, finding the cracked ceiling of the hospital room. She felt so trapped within these walls. She wondered what would become of a Princess that couldn't even feel comfortable on solid ground any longer. She felt most secure in space now, constantly surrounded by an array of stars. It had been comforting to only have to look out her window and see so many unfamiliar constellations. She had named them, late at night when sleep evaded her. It had been a silly but it had made her feel secure.  
Here, the night sky was so distorted and clouded by smoke she could only see a dim, ugly grey expanse above her. Forcing herself onto tired legs, she made her way over to the small window in the room. She lifted the blinds away and looked out into the darkness. Perhaps she was biased but Allura couldn't understand how the paladins could love a planet so terribly ugly. There was no allure in the jagged red landscape she had seen. This was not what Lance had described to her. 

He had painted such a beautiful image with his words, speaking of glittering blue oceans, their sun bright and warm overhead, something called sand between toes- it had all sounded so serene. Had the galra destroyed that as well? Her stomach ached with worry. She hoped not. Lance seemed to adore them so and she had hoped to see it all one day. Lance had told her so much about earth she had envisioned it as this gorgeous oasis in the galaxy. They had found comfort in one another, describing their home planets and allowing themselves to mourn over their lost homes. Lance had thought he'd never return home. He'd been so deliriously happy when they had landed on earth. She had never seen him so overjoyed.

It was beautiful to see him like that. He was beautiful. 

There was another dull ache pulling within her at the thought of him like that, smiling so brilliantly, tears of happiness in his eyes. She shut the blinds and stepped away, forcing herself to inhale and exhale once again. It disturbed her, just slightly, to think of Lance like this. She'd never thought of him as beautiful and yet she could not recall a more fitting description of him. 

She took a step backwards and her foot knocked against the forgotten crown, sending it sliding across the floor. Allura considered it for a moment, her heart feeling far lighter now, and bent low to pick it up gingerly. Her fingers ran over the gold circlet, treasuring how smooth it felt between them. Her Father had given this to someone he had thought was beautiful. Perhaps she could as well. 

It was not an engagement gift as Alfor's had been, but it was a gift all the same. Lips curling up just slightly, Allura considered the metal, wondering if she could reshape it to curl around Lance's wrist. It would take some work and time. But she longed to see that bright smile on his face. 

Lifting her chin up just a bit higher, Allura found herself smiling at the thought of seeing him again. Grief still bore down heavily on her and she was sure it would take far more time for that to heal. But time she had. And she was not alone, not truly. She had friends, family, people that cared for her. And they had her as well.  
Holding the crown to her chest, Allura thought of her Mother. She would not rebuke her daughter for finding happiness in this life. She would be so proud of her daughter's resilience, her daughter's willingness to adapt and learn- of her ability to recover and grow stronger after each blow. With a soft, wondering smile, Allura thought that her Mother would approve of Lance as well.

After all, she had agreed to marry Alfor, a common man, a man she had described as quite odd but intriguing. Allura thought that quite summed up Lance as well. And if Allura was to follow in her Mother's footsteps in anyway, she was content that it was this.

**Author's Note:**

> It's also my headcanon that it was Allura's Mother that was royalty. And Alfor was an alchemist that she took interest in and pursued. I like the comparison of Allura and her Mother both falling for goofy paladins who pilot Red.


End file.
